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In Response To: Re: Re: Re: Rape Fantasy?Message Thread:
Date: Mon Jan 15 20:25:21 2001
From: angelbelly
Subject: i agreecompletely. i've experienced both--real rape or sexual assault is something
i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy... save those who perpetrate it SO THAT THEY
KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE!!! and the harm that they do.
but fantasies of being held down and overpowered turn me ON when i'm feeling
safe. i think some of us are wired to enjoy submission; and it was a powerful
liberating step for me when i allowed myself to feel that, since it's NOT p.c.
and i am a feminist. i also think that we as females are bombarded with the
idea, whereas men (most) don't live with the idea in the back of their minds
that they could be rape victims. though many obviously love it and seek submission.
i started wondering, for a while recently, whether my rape fantasies are a coping
response to the anti-women ideas we're submerged in, the soft porn at the grocery
check-out, on tv, and everywhere in the u.s. media...they just don't write tv
dramas, or report on true stories of how women take initiative and state our
desires clearly (like in this chat room)!!!
i read in a book just the other day a true story of how a woman fought off a
rapist by grabbing his penis and wrenching it determined to break it off, not
letting go despite his fists raining down on her head, and how he eventually
lost his erection and fled. i was orally sexually assaulted years ago and if
i hadn't been afraid of AIDS i would have done the obvious thing and bitten
his penis right off. in fact if i hadn't gotten away before the second man
(the mastermind) forced me i was determined to take my chances and make him
pay. i'm telling you tbis because reading that piece changed the way i think
about rape and fantasies. the point was that we go around in FEAR rather than
see the obvious vulnerability of an attacker! and likewise we are trained to
think of ourselves as helpless rather than naturally powerful. but this is
ours to CHOOSE.
and i found that when i keep in mind the greater truth, that if i wanted to
i could reach into my strength and stop this at any time, even with any number
of men, that my fierce tiger inside would leap out and roar, FIERCE POWER like
no attacker has EVER anticipated...
ok and when i know this in the bottom of my heart, then i'm able to lie back
and enjoy whatever freaking fantasy plays through my mind.
peace and love