Home What's New Heartbeat Overview |
| Return To: Top Level Posts |
In Response To: Rape Fantasy?Message Thread:
Date: Sun Oct 28 13:43:23 2001
From: Claire
Subject: Fantasy & the real thangSince I was little, I always dreamed of men being in control of
me, of being weak against their power, and of being so desirable
that they would hold me down...
It's strange to be a young woman with this fantasy and feel
what it's actually like to be raped. For the people who are
curious about why a person who thinks about rape would not react
favorably to actual rape, here are my thoughts on how different
the real thing is:
For one thing, in real life people sort of assume that women
aren't as pure as they pretend to be, so when someone really
rapes you they're definitely not giving you vibes like "oh, you
innocent maiden, let me be the bad guy and fuck you until your
body is so overcome that you faint into the horrifying pleasure
-- all the while leaving myself open to all the men on horses who
will then come save you!" Usually, they're angry at you for
refusing when they think you really want it, or you're fitting
into an image of women as tricky and un-straight that makes them
feel cornered themselves (this can come out of the sad state of
male-female communication, which we could all work on), or they
think you want rape because they know you fantasize about it and
so, even as you're fighting, you're seen as provocative and
slutty (and you kind of believe that image yourself). The nice
things about the fantasy are all gone. It's a real,
multi-dimensional person raping a real, multi-dimensional person,
and you don't have a comfortable role to fall into. Are you
actually innocent, or should you be fighting harder? Can you
fight, or is this someone you love and are you going to seem like
an extreme feminist for saying no and really meaning it? Does
the person think you want this? Is anyone to blame? Did you ask
for this some way you don't know?
I've been raped several times, usually by boyfriends and only
once by someone who I could clearly say had no right to my body.
I never feel beautiful, which is a big part of the fantasy (which
I still have often, and accept, though I don't quite understand
it). Usually, to feel beautiful you put that little beauty-shine
on your movements: "let me throw my head this way, in despair,
so
that my neck looks longer" -- you know what I'm saying -- or
having that certain distressed look to your eyes that makes you
oh-so-lovely and feminine. You can't indulge in those things
during a real rape, because if you're giving in to the desire to
be beautiful, you're not fighting, right? And any hint of
feeling beautiful would show like the Goodyear blimp, I bet, with
similar advertising potential: "oh, this girl is all about the
experience."
Innocence is a big part of the fantasy. I only felt secure
about my innocence the one time with the stranger, and that time
(which was the only one I've told my parents -- triumphant
because I was finally able to do the "right thing" and get
some
help) my Mom and Dad were right there to tell me all the reasons
it was my fault. That was so that they could have control over
something that frightenned them, but still. There aren't going
to be people on horseback being like "yes! here's your innocence
award! it must have been only your beauty and feminine charm
that drew that horrible fellow!"
Lastly, sexuality and getting off don't have a chance during
real rape (and that's what the fantasy is all about, right?). I
find my intellect is working like mad with all the above
concerns. Plus, men who are raping aren't trying for you --
they're just slamming in to get themselves off as fast as
possible. Your body and emotions kind of numb up, permitting you
to prepare your mind for how to deal respectfully when society
tells you you fantasized about this, and must therefore want the
real thing. Or what diseases you're being exposed to. Or where
on your menstral cycle you are. Or what this person really wants
from you, and how much farther they'll go to get it.
Ladies and gents, I guess the best we can do is be courageous
about what we're really thinking and TALK. Like, why do a lot of
women (myself included) have to fantasize about rape in order to
feel in an authentic sexual position? Why do a lot of men have
to fantasize about (and in some cases engage in) rape in order to
feel in an authentic sexual position? All this love and sexual
excitement and peace in the world -- we just hav